The way that you move your body and walk has an enormous effect on the way that you feel and your confidence levels.

Lets start with an exercise.

Imagine there are two people standing in front of you – one with “negative body language” and one with “positive body language”.

I’d now like you to write down what you are observing with each of these people including the following:

How are they standing?

Where are their eyes looking?

Where have they got their head?

How are they talking?

How are they moving?

You know, how you feel at any moment in time is linked to what is going on in your head and how you are moving your body.

The way that you move sends subconscious messages to your mind and this either helps or hinder the way that the feel.

Emotion is created by motion. If you sit still for a long period of time your natural energy levels automatically lower.

And what happens when you get up, walk around and return to your seat?

Yes, you have more energy and you’re given a boost.

I can’t stress how important it is to move and act confidently and positively.

You will give off all the right vibes to everyone around you and it will make them think that you are confident even if you’re not feeling it inside.

Yes, that’s right. Even if you’re not feeling confident, act as though you are.

So, how do you do this?

Well, walk fast and with a purpose. Don’t saunter along, walk like you know exactly where you are going and when you get their you mean business!

Gesture with your hands as you talk, it will create motion and you know what that leads to – EMOTION!

The right gestures also have a major impact on building rapport as long as you’re not shaking your fist!

All it takes is a smile!

Think for a moment about your confidence role model.

One thing that he/she and confident people in general have in common is that they all probably smile a lot and are happier than their negative counterparts.

It may sound silly, but there is a lot of power associated with a smile.

What I would like you to do is to start smiling more often.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to walk around with a silly grin on your face all of the time.

But smile as you walk down the street, when you talk to someone, even when you look in the mirror at yourself.

You will be surprised at how better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to all others – one that will attract opportunities and people.

Remember that confident people are happy people and negative people are not.

Happy people are also seen as more attractive than unhappy and sad people so that is an added bonus!

You know, the way that we communicate in our appearance, posture, gesture, gaze and expression can be such a powerful tool in the way that we feel and when communicating with others.

The manner in which you communicate and your interpersonal skills are also very important indeed.

Effective communication is vital if you are going to succeed no matter what you are doing.

The way in which we communicate with people is broken down into component parts, and it is popularly believed that people to whom we are speaking understand what we say by interpreting these different elements in varying proportions:

 VERBAL

• 7% of our message is interpreted from the words we use.

 VOCAL

• 38% is picked up from our voice – speed, tone , pitch, rhythm etc

 VISUAL

• 55% is what the other person sees – our body language

Please bear the above in mind when you are communicating to people.

I could write a whole book on body language, and I may do just that, but here are some quick fixes and recommendations that you should start to put into practice:

Dress to win – Look at your appearance and ask yourself:

-Do I feel confident?

-Do I look confident?

-What could I do with my appearance to give me the edge?

-Handshakes – Never give a limp wrist handshake, make sure it is firm but not too hard

-Smile a lot more than you have been doing – even if you are a comedian!

-Walk tall with your head and shoulders back. Walk at a brisk pace

-When you talk to people look them straight in the eye

-Keep on moving – Motion creates what?

-If you are ever feeling down, just have a look at your body language and change it immediately. Even if it has to be false – YOU WILL start to feel better and more confident immediately.

-First impressions count – so when you are going to meet people for the first time, think what first impression you ant to give them. A smiling face? A good remark? Etc

-Take more notice of others body language. You can normally tell what others are feeling by the way that they are moving and using their body too. You can use this to your advantage when you are more aware of it.

A great way to boost your confidence is to keep a confidence diary.It is a smart tool to just remind yourself just how good you really are and what you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

Either buy yourself a notebook or a day to view diary and once a week for the next month I’d like you to jot down your answers to the following confidence questions.

Don’t give me any excuses about you haven’t got the time to do it!

Take just 10 minutes per week, sit down and jot down your thoughts to:

1. What have I got to be grateful for in my life right now?

2. What am I happy about in my life right now?

3. Why am I happy about these things?

4. What did I accomplish last week?

5. What am I excited about in my life right now?

6. Who do I love and appreciate in my life? Who do I like hanging around? Why?

7. Who loves and appreciates me for what I am? Warts ‘n all!

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success.

If you need a booster midweek, then by all means answer them again whenever you want to feel centred and remind yourself of what you have got going for yourself in your life right now.

Today, I will start off by extending a heartfelt gratitude to the Western Australian Department of Education for the privilege to be associated with this project I am about to tell you about.

I would not have said this if I was not actually bowled over by the Department’s whole hearted effort towards this campaign. Today I have the honour of show casing a school attendance campaign called It All Starts At School which is a Western Australian Government initiative that I have had the privilege of being an Ambassador for.

As a part of my ‘Ambassador’ duties earlier this year I was invited to be the Keynote Speaker at ten schools in the Perth metropolitan area to share my story to help and show students why it was important to attend school.  Reflecting on my life experiences and extracts from my own high school program I Roll With Dave I was able to show these kids the bigger picture of how school is going to play a vital part in their future not only by their attendance but also their attitude towards school and their teachers.

Going by the extremely encouraging and heart-warming feedback that we have been getting from the students, teachers and parents associated with this campaign, I have been overwhelmed!! As a High School Speaker, it is my and my team’s duty to communicate with the students and motivate them. Mere motivation is not enough; you need to keep up that momentum and this is where social media like Facebook, Twitter and Myspace have proved to be of great help. They have been instrumental in enabling me to remain in touch with the students and continue that motivation with words of encouragement and being able to answer their questions when they have needed advice. I will speak more on the importance of Social Media in next week’s newsletter.

In my next newsletter due to be sent out early next week I will have the privilege of introducing you to Ms Tyne Purdy who is the Public Relations Coordinator for the Western Australian Department of Education. She has graciously agreed to write a section of this newsletter on the intricacies of this project titled It starts at School. Working with her and her team of dedicated PR professionals has been a wonderful learning experience for me and I want to thank them earnestly for having me involved.

To sign up for my newsletter simply go to www.irollwithdave.com.au and at the top of the website you will see “Newsletter”; fill in your details and you can keep upto date with all the latest news from the ‘I Roll With Dave’ program.

Until my next post, have a awesome weekend!

One of the most well known confidence building exercises is to list your own strengths and natural abilities.

By looking at the list it can make you say “Wow, I really am good!”

Another great way of building your confidence and getting in touch with how great you really are is to ask friends, colleagues and people who you know for feedback on your strengths and natural abilities.

Your practical assignment is to list 5 people who you know and trust for this exercise.

Make sure they are from different areas of your life.

List them below:

1.   A FAMILY MEMBER

2.   A FRIEND

3.   A WORK COLLEAGUE

4.   AN ASSOCIATE

5.   A SOCIAL CONTACT

You might at this stage be feeling a little nervous about asking these people for feedback.

Don’t worry, because you will be only asking for your strengths.

JUST GO FOR IT!

So, how do you go about it?

Well, below is a list of questions that I’d like you to ask to each of your list.

I recommend that you meet or talk on the phone with each beforehand and explain the context of the exercise and then either ask them verbally or give them the questions and either fill in the sheet of paper or email you with their feedback.

They will feel honoured that you have asked them and the feedback that you will receive will truly make you feel fabulous and full of confidence.

Rightly or wrongly, we live in a society where other peoples’ opinions count to our self esteem and confidence.

By completing this exercise you will get some really good insight into some of your strengths.

Often you receive valuable information on the strengths that you didn’t even know you had!

EXTERNAL FEEDBACK QUESTIONS

What do you perceive to be my greatest strengths?

What do you like most about me?

What do you value most about me?

What three words sum up the positive points about me?

If you needed help with something, what would you call me to help you with?

After you have received all of the feedback it is now time to reflect on what has been written or said:

How do you feel about it?

Are there any surprises?

Do you feel confident about your abilities?

How can you use this information going forward?

How can you maximise your strengths?

If these people think you have these strengths, so do a lot of other people as well – how does that make you feel?

What are the key insights you have learned?

What will you do now that is different to what you have done before?

How many times have you started a diet, a new way of thinking, or tried something new and then a setback occurs and you just go back to the way you were?

Don’t worry, you are not the only one!

Setbacks and difficulties occur all of the time – they are a natural activity of life.

There are two ways of facing difficulties.

You either change or alter the difficulty or you can alter yourself to be able to deal with it.

Deal with difficulties correctly and it will enhance your confidence, deal with them incorrectly and they can do some serious damage to your self worth.

Your response to issues and difficulties

When you are faced with any setback your ability to deal with it can be turned around into a position of strength by asking yourself positive empowering questions.

There is an unwritten rule that says:

Ask your mind a stupid question and you will get a stupid answer!

So, if after setback you ask yourself something like

“Why does this always happen to me, I never have any luck?”

Your mind will probably come out with:

“Because you are useless and good things do not happen to you!”

Sound familiar?

Instead, if you ask yourself a positive empowering question like:

“What did I learn from this setback for next time?”

Your mind will kick into solution mode and help.

Here are some rules and things to think about when setbacks do occur:

• Acknowledge that it has happened. Don’t hide from it. These things happen. So what?

• What positive empowering questions can you ask yourself?
What is good about this situation?
How can I make the most of this situation?
What can I learn from it?
What are the facts about this problem?
How can we make it a successful outcome?

• Acknowledge that setbacks occur to everyone and you are not being singled out.

• View them as a challenge to overcome rather than an issue or problem

Think about the negative dis-empowering thoughts that you think on a regular basis after a setback.

What new empowering questions could you ask yourself to give some better answers!

Write these down now and make them a habit.

How can you confidently respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate? 

This post shares some ideas you can use to make sure you don’t find yourself doing something you’d very much prefer not to do.

The question has just been posed.  Pause. 

Was your inclination to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no.” 

Well, let’s raise the volume on that voice. 

What possible reasons could there be for saying no?

- It’s beyond your means?

- It’s beyond your comfort level?

- You have no interest?

Identify all the reasons you have for saying “no.”  Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.

-What would happen if you said yes?  Perhaps:

-You would be considered a teamplayer

-It would make your boss happy

-Your visibility with higher-ups would be improved

 It’s comes down to a simple cost/benefit really. 

Would the discomfort involved in saying yes outweigh the benefits of possibly going along with the request? 

Or, do the benefits outweigh your temporary discomforts?

The role of guilt

Saying “no” is hard for many of us. 

Guilt often comes into play. 

Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognise it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it. 

Saying “NO”

You’ve made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, do honestly say “NO”. 

Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly…in the mirror. 

Look yourself in the eye, and do it.  Just say “NO.” 

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you.  When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently? 

Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with. 

Then go, and say “NO.”

After you say “NO”

If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? 

After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it! 

They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request. 

Be prepared for this!  Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do? 

Revisit the questions you asked yourself before—what would happen if you said no, or yes?

If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns. 

Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further. 

If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective. 

Tips on how to say your ”NO!”

1.   The “Wet lettuce NO”

If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO!

Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp.

By saying NO in a non confident manner it will make you feel as though you have got to convince the other person about your decision and the reasons why you have said it!

2.   The “Mr Angry NO”

This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO.

It is done in an aggressive manner and usually said with contempt.

It is not an effective way to communicate your NO.

Here are a couple of examples:

“NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got to be joking aren’t you”

“NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that piece of work”

3.   The assertive NO

This is the best way to say NO!

In a firm, yet polite voice say:

“No. I will not be able to do that for you”

Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.

“No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at that time”

4.   Use effective body language

When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications.

Look the person in the eye when you say the NO.

Shake your head at the same time as saying NO.

Stand up tall.

Use a firm tone in your voice.

5.   When all is said and done

Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you”

No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts.

It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

Saying NO exercise

Practice makes perfect as they say!

What I would like you to do for the next 7 days is to start to say NO more often.

So whether it is the Austar salesman, the cold call, “Would you like fries with that” or the shop assistant – practice saying NO to one person for at least the next 7 days.

You will be an expert come the end of the week!

What will happen?

-You will feel much more confident and proud. 

-You will find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes. 

-Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.” 

-You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place. 

-You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in. 

-The list goes on from there…

We all know those people who are positive, happy and joyful to be around.

How do they make you feel?

Yes, they make you feel the same! They can but zest into a boring atmosphere and can fill the room with positive, can do vibes that has a knock on effect onto everyone else.

We also know of those people who could moan for America!

They never had the opportunities, they are always putting people down, they don’t like others to be successful, they are jealous and are negative thinkers – need I go on!

These people drain your energy and bring you down to their level, a million miles away from the level that YOU want to be operating on.

Family members can be a lot like this also but you can always choose your friends, you can never choose your family!

So what should you do to make sure that the people who you hang around with empower and support what you stand for rather than bring you down all of the time?

1. You have the power to choose who you hang around with. Ideally you want happy, vibrant and positive people.
2. If you have good friends who are negative and yet you still want to hang around them, make a point of letting them know how you feel – if they are a true friend they will respect you for this. If they are negative from time to time just acknowledge that this is what they are like and block out the negativity.
3. The same can be said with family. Your more mature family members have behaviours that have been conditioned for years and years and from different eras. Appreciate where they have come from and as in number 2 above, elicit and select the information that filters through to your brain.
4. Remember, that nothing has meaning in life except the meaning that you give it.

From childhood we are sold on an ideal image of beauty, one few of us ever see reflected when we look in the mirror.

This post will show you how you can look in the mirror and despite the ideal, see only a beautiful you.

When you look in the mirror, what’s the first thing you notice, and how does it make you feel?

If you’re like most people, the first thing that catches your eye is probably your least favorite asset. If so, don’t worry you’re not alone. Here’s why.

Can you guess how much money is spent in just one year by advertisers to sell us on the concept of the “ideal” image of beauty?

Well, I can’t either but I do know this—it’s a lot of money, certainly somewhere in the billions of dollars!

So, technically, you can consider yourself brainwashed.

From your earliest childhood days—whether you played with Action Man or Barbie—you’ve been receiving constant, consistent images telling you what beauty is supposed to look like.

Never mind that these images are for the most part, anatomically impossible!

And, would you really want to look like Fabio anyway? Or Pam Anderson? Honestly?

I’m guessing probably not.

So, here’s how you can build your confidence with the body God gave you:

1. Look in the mirror

2. This time, really look at yourself.

Reflect on the compliments you have received.

Do people tell you how great your hair is?

How beautiful your eyes are?

That you have a nice smile? Try to see what they see.

3. Stand far enough away from the mirror so that you can take it all in. What do you see? Find at least three positive things.

4. Now, get up close.

Really close.

Look at your eyes—the irises.

What colour are they?

Are they all one colour or are there flecks of various colours?

How would you describe them using positive analogies or adjectives?

5. Now, smile. What does your smile convey? Warmth? Happiness?

6. Find at least three characteristics you like best about yourself, and then accentuate them as you dress to go out.

 If you love your eyes, make sure your hair doesn’t cover them up

 Love your lips? Make sure to keep them soft and moisturized

 Your hair? Get a flattering cut and condition it regularly to keep it shiny and healthy

In short, amplify what you like, and don’t worry about the parts you don’t.

Here are some ways to do just that:

 Go shopping and bring a good friend. Ask them to help you pick out colours and clothes they think flatter you. Don’t worry if your first reaction is “that’s not me!” Experiment!

 Feel better about whatever it is you don’t like about yourself by picturing the absolute worst-case scenario. Exaggerate whatever it is you’re hung up on and blow it up in you mind until it’s comical. Then look in the mirror—not so bad anymore is it?

Accept yourself for who you are, how you look, and focus on what really matters—the things about you that can’t be seen—your heart, mind and soul!

 What do you want people to praise you for? Is it really how you look? Probably not. You probably want people to think you’re funny, smart, nice, or generous—something along those lines right?

 Make a list of your positive personal qualities and characteristics. Then ask yourself, what’s more important? Get involved in activities that build on your personal characteristics—volunteer, join a club, take a class to sharpen a talent. These will help you emphasize and focus more on the more important qualities that get you through life successfully and with more fun.

Live life, love fully and laugh often!

2. Smile a lot more. That doesn’t mean putting a silly grin on your face! But smile when you walk down the street, when you meet people and generally be happier even if you’re not feeling that way.

3. Learn from the past; don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s gone; it’s never coming back. Instead learn from it for next time.

4. Buy yourself some new clothes, get your hair done, treat yourself to something new. It will make you feel better and will give your ego a boost.

5. Are you prepared for situations? Are you prepared enough to meet any challenge that may come up? Are you prepared for that meeting, that presentation, that job interview, when you meet someone for the first time? If not, get to it.

6. Play to your strengths. Know what you are good at and expose yourself to these opportunities at every opportunity – because you’re good at it, you’ll enjoy it and have more confidence.

7. Improve your weaknesses. Know and appreciate what these are and put a plan in place to improve them over time.

8. Learn how to say no to people. Don’t be afraid, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of. Just watch the reaction on their face after you’ve said it the first time and there will be no going back.

9. Be positive. Look on the “can do” side of things rather than the “can’t do”. You’ve accomplished lots in your life and you will accomplish lots more in the future.

10. Be in charge of your thoughts at all times. What is a thought? It’s just a question that you’ve asked yourself and the thought is you’re answer. If you’re thinking negative thoughts, you’re probably asking a negative question. Change the questions to be more positive.

11. Whenever you feel a negative thought coming, STOP, THINK, and say is this really important in the grand scheme of things. A lot of the time it isn’t. Many people in life major in minor things!

12. Do you let the words of others affect you? Do you mind what they think of you? Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s not what they say to you that’s the problem it’s what you say to yourself after they have stopped talking that’s the problem. Change the way you think.

13. List the words that you use on a consistent basis when you feel let down or annoyed. People use different words to mean the same thing and depending upon the intensity of the word – this will have an effect on your confidence. Instead of saying “I’m enraged about this” say, “I’m a little annoyed”. Make a substitute list for the words that you use. Make sure they are lower in intensity and then use them. You’ll be surprised with the results.

14. At the end of each day list your achievements and successes throughout that day.

15. Be appreciative of what you have to be thankful for in your life right now. Who do you love? Who loves you? Who do you help out?

16. Every morning when you’re in the shower, play over in your head the events in the day as though they have already happened and they were a success. Visualize all of the meetings that you had, the people you talked to, the outcomes you had. Visualize success and confidence and it will be so.

17. Improve your body language. The way that you move your body has a massive impact on your confidence levels. Move your body assertively and walk with your head up, shoulders back and as though you’ve got somewhere very important to go. Feeling low in confidence? Change you body language

18. Emotion is created by motion. As in 17, make sure you move around consistently. This creates energy and gets the blood pumping around you body – it makes you feel better and more confident.

19. Learn to brag about yourself. Yes, you heard me! Talk about your achievements and successes more than you currently are.

20. And finally – You only live once, so any time that you are down just ask yourself in 10 or 20 years time – will what I am worrying about really matter?